Food for Thought Growth Better Leadership

The ‘red buttons’ of colleagues

Petra Basler

Mrs F., head of department in an IT company, presents her plan for a strategic approach to a difficult negotiation, but colleague X brushes off her proposal in a harsh tone. Mrs F then flies off the handle and tells him off in front of the whole team. This is not the first time this has happened to her; she is considered unpredictable. As a result, hardly anyone dares to express their own opinion. This weakens the overall team performance. A fatal situation for Mrs F. in her role as a manager.

What are the ‘red buttons’?

‘Red buttons’ are also known as triggers. This refers to stimuli in the present - situations, behaviours or things that trigger strong unpleasant feelings and reactions. These reactions come from the subconscious. They usually have nothing to do with the current situation. Pressing the red button triggers the memory of emotionally stressful and demanding situations in the past.

These unprocessed experiences are carried around like an emotional rucksack. When the red button is pressed, this emotional rucksack opens and the inner alarm system kicks in, which has been trying to protect us from the sabre-toothed tiger since time immemorial. In the current situation, this alarm system takes control of the reaction and not reason. It creates a state of fight, flight or freeze. It means loss of control. The unconscious beliefs we have formed in the past then act like mental software that decides how we perceive, interpret and evaluate situations.

How to escape the stimulus-response mechanism

By actively dealing with the triggers and situations that lead to an outburst, sore points can be recognised and healed. This restores the ability to act. The following approach has proven successful:

Keep your distance
Never act when you are triggered. Self-regulation strategies are important first in order to restore balance. Don't react and concentrate on your breathing. As Victor Frankl said: ‘There is a space between stimulus and reaction. In this space lies our power to choose our reaction. In our reaction lies our development and our freedom.’

Developing awareness
In order to be able to consciously choose the reaction to a stimulus, it is important to understand why certain behaviours or situations trigger these strong emotions. A red button can only be pressed if it is present, i.e. if there is something in the past that triggers the red button. It is about becoming aware of this.

The ABC model

Working with psychologist Albert Ellis' ABC model is an effective way to gain awareness of the space between stimulus and response. Ellis discovered that there is an intermediate step (B) between the triggering stimulus (A) and the reaction to it (C), namely an evaluation in the form of thoughts. This evaluation of the situation is the cause of the subsequent reaction. By becoming aware of how you evaluate a situation, you can change your thoughts and, as a result, your behaviour.

By stopping in time, relaxing through conscious breathing and focussing on the new evaluation of the situation, Mrs F. can deal constructively with criticism. She has herself under control again so that she is predictable for others. The employees' trust in her has grown. This strengthens her as a person and in her role as a manager.