We need to talk. These words often trigger anxiety, whether at home or at work. In fact, for many, announcing feedback is right behind the dentist and tax return in terms of popularity. As coaches, we know good ways to counter this discomfort: Using the classic sandwich approach or the burger-method, where feedback is constructively wrapped between two or more layers of praise, recognition and mayonnaise. These methods are particularly effective when it comes to correcting errors on a factual level. However, if the focus of the feedback is on emotions or a sustainable change in behaviour, traditional feedback does not seem to be sufficient. If real change, if more creativity and personal responsibility are to be encouraged, feedback should not be improved, but be based on completely different basic assumptions. The first basic assumption that needs to be reconsidered is that the person giving feedback knows better what should have been done or said.
Wait a minute. I saw exactly that person X didn't react or act correctly...? And is it also my job to do just that?
Yes, and at the same time, this approach is often too easy. What would happen if we, as feedback givers, did not immediately assume that we knew the right answer? What would it look like if we took the trouble to ask questions and took an active interest in the other person's why? What was the context that led them to think the action was appropriate at that moment? This kind of questioning leads to a radically different feedback process. It respects the other person's choices and focuses on their meaning-making process rather than the behaviour or what is said. This is the second crucial building block. Harvard psychologist Robert Kegan coined the term "deconstructive feedback" to describe this process, as it respects a person's meaning-making process and deconstructs it together. This approach requires labour of love rather than mayonnaise. In its entirety, this approach represents the core of a coaching mindset for leaders: genuine curiosity about the other person's way of thinking and sense-making. This attitude transforms the feedback process into an open dialogue. Managers can adopt a coaching leadership style. By inviting employees to go beyond linear thinking and engage in a discussion about a contextualised sense-making process rather than pointing out good and bad behaviours, a feedback culture can be established that is in tune with the demand for feedback.
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